The Old Is Once Again New?

Whew boy! This, I see, has been quite a week back home!

First, allow me to apologize for not checking in earlier this week. As promised I’ve kept abreast of my colleagues’ posts here – or the lack thereof -, but simply haven’t had the time to provide my own updates due to some unscheduled travels. Nothing exciting, I assure you, unless you consider advance laser targeting in the blistering heat your cup of tea. This is the tedious part of the job, the all important field work that makes the fun part pay off. Sadly, the old 80/20 rule applies, and like everyone in the business, we live for the 20 baby.

It wasn’t always so either. Nope way back in the early years, when my predecessors were just finding their way, improvisation was the name of the game, and to hear the stories (as well as read the classified histories), it seems as though there was plenty of adventure to go around.

One of the downsides of joining the cause at the time I did, was that by then, the agency had already become a bit of a bureaucracy. The Church hearings predominated and our country was in the grip of what I like to call the sanctimonious elite. The dirty work that had to be done was just too objectionable for these wide eyed fools, and people like the great men that preceded me were treated quite harshly for doing nothing more than supporting the cause.

But that is my axe to grind and I think we all can agree that it should stay that way.

Nope when I joined the great governmental machine was taking over. All the living on the edge and the wild improvisational daring that had characterized the team in the early days had been largely removed by the dour “risk managing” pasty faces.

Surely I was born a few decades too late! Exploding cigars! Acid coated steering wheels! Attack dolphins (friggin’ attack dolphins, can you believe it?) and many other heady gambits! These were the thrilling stories I was recruited with and they were the things that made legends of the men and women that conceived and implemented such daring schemes.

Oh sure, they weren’t always successful, and yes a few did end up causing us a little embarrassment in the long run. But the ones that worked! Such spectacular successes! These were the projects that made my blood run and gave all of us a reason to risk our lives in the name of a service that would never be acknowledged by our employer. I know it’s hard to understand, but for a job to be more than a pay check, it must have art and beauty. It must thrill the senses and feed the human need for creativity and intellectual stimulation. Hell, anyone can take out a tin pot; the Ruskies proved that. But to do so with verve and style! Well that is what makes this, our chosen life, a true pursuit!

Yes, those were the entrepreneurial days in our firm. The team was small and they were keenly aware that they were lightly funded and far behind the biggies in the business. But they knew they could be better. Yes, they had less money, and a shortage of man power, yet they had orders from the very top to win at any cost from men that knew that winning was our only option. This was the formula that inspired the greats! They were forced to use their wits, and achieve with cunning what others were able to do by spreading a little cash around.

I mention this because hope rises again in my business. Today the agency finds itself in a different situation, but one that is not without its parallels. Killers are on the loose! We face a distributed enemy, with manically committed manpower. Their systems are simple, yet elegant in a sort of primitive way that is indicative of a powerful genius. Most of all, they are driven by a wild desire to cause us great harm. This, my dear colleagues, is a new and dangerous dynamic. Our old ways are ineffective against such a foe and my team has had to get creative.

Hoo hoo! It was with a great laugh that I awoke early this morning to the news. I could hardly believe my eyes, but I know in my heart it is true! The old methods have won sway again and a tin pot was made the fool for the whole world to see.

Mind you I have no proof and no certain detail since we keep projects fairly well compartmentalized. None-the-less it sure looks to me like it’s been “back to the future” for some of my colleagues! Imagine my surprise and great amusement when, after a long day yesterday and a very short night, my team and I witnessed the performance of a certain South American leader before the U.N.! A thing of beauty! Here is a little flavor:

“Yesterday, the devil came here," "Right here. Right here. And it smells of sulfur still today, this table that I am now standing in front of."

Oh that is good…just precious! I’m reminded of what a friend once said about trying to assassinate targets with drug overdoses; “It’s a tricky thing….if you get the dosage wrong, they just end up having a good time”.

Ha! I love that line and I was reminded of it yesterday as I watched the poor man. Oh, don’t get me wrong, I’m not suggesting that they wanted to remove him from the world scene; that would have been more easily accomplished by other means. Still, it does appear as if some sort of operation was underway to discredit they guy. I do wonder if maybe they were a little heavy handed though; I mean the guy was barking! “Oooh I smell sulphur! Ooh I see a devil!”

Rich, just absolutely rich. It’s a wonder the guy didn’t start raving about the pretty colors that concealed the two headed devils swirling in the air above him! For a minute there I half expected little Hugy to announce that he had ordered garbage pizzas for everyone, and then crank some Hendrix through the PA!

Oh my goodness, I’m afraid I’ll bust a gut on this one if I go on. Really I’m sorry. I know this must seem quite untoward, but I am so damn full of pride. I tell you folks, I work with some fine Americans. Yes, I most certainly do.

Hats off boys, hats off!