More Bombs, More Scotch, and More Patricia Deyton-Knox Please

Bo,

My good friend, I meant "bizarre" in only the best possible sense! Surely you must realize that I meant no offense but perhaps suffered from a need to do; as you point out, thinking can get in a man's way.

I must confess, life in these Bushian times is so depressing for a man such as myself. We have far too much thinking going on and not much doing. More troops, less troops; Rumsfeld is in, Rumsfeld is out;We like the little Arab people, we hate the Arab people. Its enough to drive a man of action insane! There can be little doubt that when the festivities started we were rolling. Hell, we knew we had to do something so we just did it! We're the United Freaking States of America baby! Truly, we had the Afghany formula right; Screw with America and we bomb the shit out of your stinking little country. Why we can't seem to apply this same formula to the "insurgents" (read pissant little cowards) is far beyond my pay grade.

I've been in the D.C. situation room, I've sat in conference as some toady tried to determine if a proposed action would upset the "delicate balance". These people know nothing! They're always talking about "maintaining the balance", "the balance is so delicate", and "letting a little steam of to relieve the pressure". They never can seem to comprehend that when you're walking around with a bomb, usually the best thing to do is blow that mutha up where it's safe before it blows you up! Hell, that little toady? That bastard - right now - is trying so hard to determine the balance with such precision that he can't even see that the whole pile of shit is about to collapse on top on his sweaty little head.

Which, I guess, is a long way of saying I was projecting my professional frustration on my Fellows here at SAGE. Was I wrong to do so? Perhaps in tenor, yes. But can anyone say that my point was far from the mark? I think not. Great to see your post today, you might have a quibble with my message, but dammit Bo, you know how to come through when duty calls. I've always admired that about you.

Listen, I was thinking. That PDK chick is kinda hot when she gets a little of the old smoky elixer in her (I'm talking scotch son); you remember the night after the Seahawks won the NFC? Yes, hell of a party she threw - a most memorable night indeed. Perhaps she needs a couple hardy gents to take her to dinner and get the ole creative juices flowing.

Whaddya think, Bo?

X

A Call To Arms

In response to my fellow Fellows whining, I post a call to arms.

Personally I think the blog suffers from nothing other than commitment. Good Lord people it takes very little to pound out 300 words on virtually any subject there is and hit "post". We can scrap the project if you'd like and I'll reinvigorate the POH (I have a wonderful co-branding opportunity under way thanks to the prolific Mr. Smith), but this would register as something more than a moderate disappointment with me.

We've managed to assemble a stable of wildly creative (Cap'n Fritters? The Old Mule, Brookson, Patricia and that cute little guy.....I mean what the hell!) reasonably talented writers who lack one small item.

Guts! Perhaps this is because two of our founders are from an area of the country that built a monument to those with the gumption to leave, but I hate ascribe the blame to them and use the excuse solely for the opportunity to get in a stolen line from the Simpsons. The fact is that we simply need to put pen to paper and crank out the wild tales that I know we are capable of. But it's going to take a good 20 minutes a day people.

Lets face it, My Ann Coulter stuff was brilliant. Danger, guns, sex and one of America's most loathsome personalities all wrapped in to one squirm inducing tale. Hell, we even had murderous A-Rabs! Could I buy a comment to help the narrative along? Nope. Bo's Lincoln tale, while completely bizarre and not nearly as good as my effort (keep that to yourself) was terrific, yet we had trouble mounting the effort to support the guy! He even posted a picture of that drooling beast the little guy calls a companion!

The truth is, in the time it takes to type "I'm busy with work" or "I'm applying for grad school" a comment could be posted. In the time it takes to post two more excuses, some original writing can hit the web and continue our quest for an audience.

To quote the late, great John Blutarsky, "Did we quit when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor?! No! Lets.....go! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

So there you have it folks. 353 words, 12 minutes, numerous grammatical errors but still sufficiently rousing to incite at least one of you to comment. The questions is do you have the guts?

X

Armed Motorage, Martha, and Litvinenko

Brookson,

A healthy dose of caffeine this morning eh, my good man. Excellent! It lifts the soul; and enlarges the mind. You are a coffee achiever!

Regarding your thoughts on armed motorage and just revenge: As you know I've often argued that only a select few - namely me and those I anoint - should be allowed to "pack heat". This way I would be able mete out justice with a quick and effective pop, pop from my 45. There is little doubt that crime would decline, civil discourse would increase, and I would be a lot less pissed off in general. All good things as your friend Martha likes to say.

By the way, I know our dear Martha will be catering your "Holiday Festivities For Those Who Celebrate" party there at the U and I would greatly appreciate it if you could do me a favor. As I think I mentioned to you, I paid her a visit at Bedford during all that unpleasantness. Really, it was the least I could do after I critiqued her Quiche (you must admit I was charitable when I described it as "eggy") at your "Vernal Equinox Party For Whatever Really Happened When That Guy Took an UnExpected Walk". I don't want to (and really can't) get into details, but I left a couple items of a personal nature behind (all those women with all that pent up desire!) and I believe she is going to leave them with you since, alas, we're yet again not speaking (All I said was the prison diet did her well - Soooo touchy!) Any way, if you could just keep them safe until my visit in the new year, I'd greatly appreciate it.

While I've taken a moment to stop in, I'm wondering, have you been following this polonium dust up (get it?) over in London? Most interesting don't you think? Sort of causes the mind to wander a bit towards thoughts of the old days when nothing was as it appeared. As you well know, if we want to find the answer we must not look where the magician is pointing.

Just who could possibly want to discredit the Ruskies at a time like this I wonder. Gosh, I can't think of a single person can you?

Dos vadanya!

X