Saturday, September 16, 2006

How The Gettysburg Address Changed My Life-I

I have already a had few queries about why I retired from MMA, or "Mixed Martial Arts."

I am going to assume these questions are in good faith, and are not feeble attempts to question whether a man of my stature can truly compete in the MMA world, something which, by the way, I was doing long before MMA became "cool."

As most of you know, the "public" reason for my retirement, or at least the one quoted in most of the newspapers at the time, was arthritis of the knuckles. Obviously, when one has thrown hands as many times as I, both in tournaments and in other more routine scrapes (and, yes, even when one's specialty is Gracie Jujitzu) well, that takes a toll on the knuckles. I am not bragging here, just stating facts.

Regarding the subject of routine scrapes, I can't tell you the number of times I have taken my miniature bulldog Mr. Bo Jangles with me into a quiet bar for a simple drink, only to end up having to fight my way out that very same bar, and for no apparent reason. I have learned that there is something about a miniature bulldog and my pencil-thin moustache which brings out the worst in young American males (we have never had such problems in Europe or Asia), and especially those of a certain height. Regrettably, a few years back, after one especially ugly such brawl, I had to fly Mr. Bo Jangles to LA to have him treated by a veterinarian specializing in anxiety disorders, and, I am not happy to admit this, Mr. Bo Jangles is under doctor's orders to no longer to go into bars with me. Instead, he merely stands guard in the Hummer, like a parking-lot sentinel, seemingly content so long as I keep the radio tuned in to the local classical music station, the window cracked, his favorite biscuits close at hand.

I can't help but think Mr. Bo Jangles misses the good old days. I know I sometimes do.

But arthritis of the knuckles is only a part of the story. The true cause of my retirement from MMA is Abraham Lincoln, and, specifically, the Gettysburg Address.

I will tell you about that next week.


Blogger Captain Nigel P. Fritters III said...

Mssr Steed,
Might I suggest the lengthening and subsequent waxing of your current moustaches? I find the pencil-thin species of moustachioed men to be better suited as businessmen. Perhaps these establishments are home to those who might take your current trimline as a mouse-like squeek of "easy mark"?

Captain Nigel P. Fritters III

9/16/2006 5:16 PM  
Blogger Bo Steed said...

Nigel: Allan had warned me about your wisdom, and now I see why. Your comment is more apt to the issues raised in this series of posts than you probably know. I don't want to get ahead of myself, but your comment is especially relevant because of my remarkable likeness to a famous historical figure. More about that later.

9/17/2006 10:15 AM  

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